Vexation

Yay for Miniscus, but school is pressuring me so much lately. I want my Kate and I'm tired of holding back everything. I want to be free enough to live my life and I want to feel good as myself and nobody else. I told about my mom today, and now I feel awkward. Guilty, perhaps, but more repressed than anything. I'm confused. I'm lost in a pinwheel and it's like a carousel because there's no escape. I may want a way out but I won't be able to find it. I wish I could just plug into my headphones and go underneath it all, because right now I don't know where to turn or who to turn to or what I want out of the rest of my life.

Greed

Nervous, nervous, nervous. School is driving me fucking insane. I worry about the homework, I worry about Kaitlin, etc. I hate having to, like, hold back all these feelings inside me. I hate coming home and finding people in the house and wanting it to be empty. I hate my toothaches and my headaches and my throbbing limbs; I wish I could just quit school because my total lack of awakeathonism and my having-to-get-up-so-early is really incredibly upsetting. Also I'm tired of all the creepy random noises around the house because they distract me. And I want to sit down and write Miniscus; I can draw fine, I just don't do it enough. And I wish I could. Very upsetting. I want to write Miniscus more than anything in the world, more than I want to play guitar as good as Max or go HT shopping with Ju Dra and M'brabriia or sing like a whore or kill something or even be Kaitlin's girlfriend. I want to get Miniscus done and put my life in the right direction, because it's consuming my mind and ruining others' image of me, of what they want me to do because they think I have so much potential, of what they need me to do because it needs to be done. Well you know what? Miniscus needs to be done. Plain and simple truth.